Co-Parenting

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What is co-parenting?

Co-parenting is a kind of understanding or contract undertaken by two or more adults who together take on the socialization, care, and upbringing of children for whom they share equal responsibility. Co-parents may include a variety of configurations, including a mother and a father, two mothers, two fathers, a parent with an adult sibling or grandparent or a parent and another adult relative.

Co-parenting in India:

In a country like India where marriage is a lifetime commitment, divorce after having children is gruesome for both parents. What will happen to your children and how will you deal with society are the questions every Indian parent would ponder over. Co-parenting after divorce can provide a healthy chance of living a normal life for your children. In India, where divorce reasons are mostly because of abuse or desertion, parents are always at fighting ends. This affects the upbringing of the child to a great extent. You should be very careful that the conflicts and anger with your spouse should in no way affect the growth of your child’s mind.

To make co-parenting more than a mere obligation, follow these things to let your child save the ugly truth of divorce.

  • Divorce with joint custody: An adverse divorce brings about bitterness, publicly exploiting the emotions of parents as well as the child, leaving the child hurt and confused. Divorced couples should take up joint custody of the child, putting aside your differences for the sake of the upbringing of the child.
  • Residential proximity: Most common insecurity in a child’s mind is the fear of uprooting them from their base when parents decide to live far apart from each other. Often a child is attached to his/her birthplace. Relatives of the family play a significant role in framing the roots of a child. In co-parenting, a child is free to visit family without hesitation. Living in nearby locations gives a better chance in providing this privilege to a child.
  • Societal status: Often wide gaps in financial status and social standing of both parents start influencing the child’s preference towards a more comfortable position. In India, fathers are earning usually and have free-hand in expenses while non-working mothers are left with child support for the childcare, which is not enough to maintain the previous lifestyle. In this case, what both the parents can do is to co-operate with each other in fulfilling the child’s needs. Co-parenting is often costly since it involves providing two homes rather than one for a child.
  • Resolving personal conflicts: Often divorced couples cannot resist the rising anger over disagreeing issues. Especially for women in India, encounter with ex-husband again and again during co-parenting can be tormenting. Arguing in front of kids, and worse dragging them in between you for an opinion, won’t solve any purpose of co-parenting. Using a child to take messages back and forth between the parents will further deteriorate the healthy environment for a child’s growth.
  • Acceptance of parenting style: It is impossible to provide the same parenting to a child by a father and a mother. So criticizing parenting style only confuses a child, tampering the effect of co-parenting. To work out best, each parent should agree on making a co-parenting plan that divides the major responsibilities among parents like education, medical and health, extra-curricular activities, character building among others.

Key steps for healthy co-parenting

  • Healthy communication with your ex, working out a few strategies to effectively manage your child.
  • Avoid negativity towards your ex-spouse (especially in front of the child).
  • Reflect on your role in ending the relationship, and work on yourself. Co-parenting is easier for a happier, more balanced individual.

Effective co-parenting communication methods

  • Talk to your ex-spouse like he is your colleague/ business partner.
  • Listen to their perspective, ask for permission if required or make requests.
  • Let the conversation be kid-centric.
  • Focus on the present and future, let bygones be bygones.
  • If you are angry, take time to cool off and respond objectively.
  • You are in this for the child, so try to come up with a compromise for the child’s sake.
  • Seek professional help, if required.

Common co-parenting struggles

  • Constant changes in schedule, dealing with an uncooperative parent.
  • Inconsistency in communication.
  • The child’s lack of interest in meeting one parent.
  • Fighting, resentment, power play, insecurity because of a new love interest in the parent’s life.
  • Financial concerns/ disagreements.

Co-parenting is just like parenting in the sense that your child still comes above all. You may have taken a different route, but the end goal is still your child’s happiness.

Don’t try to race through it, apply the brakes when the road gets messy. Be patient and hopefully everyone will get out of it unscathed.

– Rashi Vohra

Rashiohri88@gmail.com

Author’s bio

Wanna indulge in a Hog-a-thon , well i am in for Pani Puris & Chicken Nuggets. Your Venue should be  Picturesque  because my alarm clocks are invincible on me.

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