How do I plan to get away from these winters?

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Every year seems colder than the last and then the strange weather forecast that says, “Coldest year in the last twenty five years …!!”  

I can never get this logic. They say the same thing every year! Probably that’s the only way they think they can console us for the bygone years. Like how they do during the monsoons. The days they predict rains, it never rains. At least  not in my lane on my house. It may rain in the lane across but not here. It may rain over my nasty neighborhood but not mine. All I do is sulk and get after my poor miyan for no fault of his. 

“Ab baarish nahi aa rahee to main kya karoon? Go sit in the shower for some time with an umbrella, make a paper boat and float it in your tub!” Says miyan each time. 

Back to my story. This transpired almost two years ago when Miyan was in China working in sub zero temperatures and here in India we were almost touching zero degrees. Exactly like how we will do in a few days from now. Yes yes, they predict temperatures to drop to surprising (not so surprising any more though) limits. May not be zero but not very far. 

Me on call with Miyan: 

“Hello!!!” Miyan called. “Haan hello!! Bolo!!” I reply. I was irritated too. 

“Why do you sound so agitated ??” Miyan asked. 

Because it is so damn cold here and it is getting on my nerves now!  You know I hate winters!! Tum he Kya, tum to travel Kar rahe ho…!!! “ I said. 

“Even I am working in sub-zero temperatures here. So what!!”  Came the reply.

“But your winters are different from here…” I said. 

“And how’s that?? “Winters are the same for everybody.” He tried to rationalize. 

“Yours are the Chinese winters. Not real. Huh!” I said.

“Can’t believe you just said that. Just cover yourself properly and you will be fine” he suggested. 

I don’t know why he suggested that? What did he think? I go around in breezy mull mully clothes in winters.

“Dude, I am dressed like an Eskimo! Everybody laughed at me this morning when I stepped out to feed the dogs. The dogs too refused torecognize their mom and started barking …!!!”  I was super annoyed. 

“Ok drink a nice soup or a ginger tea or a besan kaada. You’ll feel better…” he suggested. 

“I have tried everything. Nothing is helping really” I complained again. 

Then what do you want to do??” He was irritated by then. 

Ek to wahan cheeni uska dimag kha rahe the aur yahan main.  

“I want to move to Phuket…!” I said. 

“Seriously! Have you lost it really! Why, Phuket out of all the places?! Who moves to Phuket? It is a good enough place only for three to four months of a year. Otherwise, it is a pretty hot and humid place. Also, who leaves everything and move to another country just because of some weather nuisance!” Guess, he almost fell of his chair or his metro seat or his cab seat… god knows!!

“Whatever! I just don’t want to stay here anymore. I am done with the extreme weather here and the incapabilities of the MET department. The MET department has failed to MEET my expectations” I said.

“What are we going to do there but? I mean how will we survive? We cannot  be expected to loiter around on the beach all the time, soak the sun and turn purple-brown and red!” He asked. 

“Listen, when we went, we did not notice any ande waala there. Right? So we will sell boiled eggs there. Ek kiosk lagayenge apne beach waale ghar ke samne! Ande sajayenge, apne beach waale ghar ke saamneeee!” I sang. 

“Boiled eggs!!! Could you not think of a better alternative! You expect a current EVP to sell eggs in Phuket. Sounds like a perfect VRS!! Miyan was sarcastic. 

“You know, I love boiled eggs especially the roadside ones. Unfortunately, I cannot have them and I miss them. I miss them a lot. You see, it will be a flourishing business in a place like Phuket “where no man has sold boiled eggs before!” Plus, I will appoint you as the Chief Business Officer of our Chotu sa business, which we will carry out stress-free!! I will also give you two eggs ka omelette as your daily wage. Sounds like an idea! Isn’t it?” I was very happy and dreamy. 

“Bus yehi din dekhne reh Gaye the tumhare saath!” Miyan banged his head in desperation in all probabilities or of the Chinese guy’s head sitting right next to him. Phir bartan girne jaisi awaaz aayee hogi, “ting pong tangggg!!”

written by Somali Bammi

All rights reserved @somalibammi

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