It so happened one fateful morning in Noida, many years ago, that my father and I ended up becoming the accidental thieves! Oh my God! Can you imagine what I am saying!!!! My father, a retired, distinguished army officer, all of eighty years, in my able company earned this title! Not to say that I was an intentional thief but the deed performed that morn supposedly made us so.
I shall now narrate that hilarious anecdote of our life. My father ailing from hypertension and sugar needed to urgently collect his monthly medicines from the Military Hospital Noida. That winter morning he told me to accompany him. I politely refused because it was a time-consuming process. One had to wait for endless hours in the hospital for medicine collection. But my father coaxed me. He reasoned that he didn’t want to drive in the cold weather so he wanted his young girl along. Moreover, his contention was that both he and I got along superbly well and would therefore be able to pass those long waiting hours in the hospital by indulging in soft and silky conversations on all possible subjects. Surely he was right in this aspect. Both of us had incessantly suffered from verbal diarrhoea all our lives. Thus our conversations never had a dull moment! These were either soft or loud, dynamic or dynamite-like, easy or difficult. The tone, tenor, pitch, and fluency of our conversation depended entirely on the subject being addressed. But one thing was always certain that there would never be a serious fight or a lengthy silence, howsoever much either of us disagreed or disliked the other person’s opinion. Perhaps it was attributable to the father-daughter bond, mutual love, and admiration for each other. And our verbal diarrhoeal tendency always drifted us towards building a more robust and healthy relationship.
I had come to my parental home for about a month on a sabbatical and I had just reached a day prior to this unforgettable hospital visit. Anyway, after a little more deliberation I succumbed to my father’s earnest request. I drove him in his brand new red Maruti car which I had noticed for the first time since coming here. My father was clad in a smart tweed coat with a maroon tie. He sported a smart balaclava. (a woollen cap). My father is tall and a handsome man who always made a mark wherever he went. His dressing sense was old-fashioned and conventional but his mannerisms, general demeanor, and conversations were wonderfully splendid, modern, and contemporary.
I parked his brand new red Maruti car near the hospital gate along the congested roadside. The two of us engaged ourselves inside the hospital in happy and humorous conversations and passed nearly two hours of the waiting period finally, we received our box of numerous medicines for my father. It was then time to return home!!
Our car was parked on the left side of the busy road and the hospital was to its right. When we got to our brand new red Maruti car, we instantly noticed that someone had parked his scooter too close, in front of our car. Also, there was a humongous tree trunk at the rear end. It was impossible for me to get the car out of the parking. Just that moment an old retired Sikh officer appeared before us. He offered his help to my old father in picking that wretched scooter out of our way. My father and the angelic officer sweated it out rather bravely!!! We profusely thanked the helpful turbaned officer whose timely help rescued us from further prolonged misery!! I set the car ignition on and my father got onto the seat swiftly. This obstacle removing exercise must have consumed about ten minutes or so but all along we had also heard the warning or alarm sound coming out of some vehicle, loud and clear. We had also noticed a sizeable crowd of retired officers near the hospital gate trying to cross the busy road over to our side. I just didn’t realize that the blaring alarm sound was coming from our vehicle and that people all around were looking at us. I had mistakenly unlocked someone else’s car with my car keys and I confidently manoeuvred someone else’s brand new red Maruti car with a calm mind and smart hand cum footwork. The dexterity in my driving was obvious to all those who had witnessed my sharp, quick, and neat manipulations on that busy, heavy traffic road. Soon I was racing the car home happily.
Our house was barely a kilometre away from the hospital. As I neatly parked the brand new red Maruti car and had just pulled the handbrake I suddenly realised to my utter dismay and disbelief that the car perfume bottle looked a little different. In that fraction of a second, I discovered that even the seat covers were of a different hue. In fact the car interior was entirely so different and with that, realisation dawned upon me and in panic, I wailed and screamed like a wounded soul!!! I had erringly driven someone else’s brand new red Maruti car!! My father also immediately understood the horribly difficult and terribly embarrassing predicament that we both had got into unwittingly. He instructed me rather hoarsely that I should drive him back to the hospital area to return this brand new red Maruti car to its rightful owner. The return trip suddenly highlighted me as a clumsy chauffeur for I was driving jerkily because of my nervousness and pathetic hand cum footwork. I raced back towards the hospital parking area only to notice the humongous crowd waiting for us there. Sheepishly we got out of the car and with great caution, my father and I crossed to the other side of the road to the waiting folks. My mind was thinking of all the possibilities of offensive and defensive arguments and embarrassment that would follow but the forgiving owner was a thorough gentleman. He said that he had seen us inside the hospital premises. He was convinced that we weren’t the real, dreadful thieves when he saw us going away in his car!! He rather appreciated my driving skills smilingly and commented with a naughty spark in his eyes that I had returned his brand new red Maruti car in record time after stealing it …
In fact, the gentleman was wearing the hugest grin on his face while all of those with him seemed equally amused and displayed their expressions of amusement in varying degrees. What embarrassment had I caused to myself and to my father unknowingly? The gentleman took my father’s hand in his hand to comfort his incomplete understanding of the rather funny situation that had metamorphosed suddenly. He informed us that when he heard the warning or alarm sound emanating from some vehicle, he rushed out thinking that his car was being stolen. But when he saw us, the formally attired and confident individuals, he was relieved and rather amused that we had definitely made an error of judgment in recognising our car. And sure, that we had!! My father and I, then, detected our own brand new red Maruti car standing majestically, parked a little further away from the so-called stolen brand new red Maruti car.
My father made me a scapegoat in this incident but really speaking it was his car. Logically he should have recognised that we were getting into a different vehicle. When I confronted him with this argument he laughed off saying that old age does such wonders!!!!!! And well I justified my goof-up by announcing that I had a very young association and even younger acquaintance with my father’s brand new red Maruti car. We have narrated this hilarious and delightful episode countless times evoking rapturous laughter from our loving audience. I hereby rest my case by concluding that my father and I have gone down in history being labelled as the accidental thieves…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(PS- Thrice I have repeated this same mistake of unlocking and driving away someone else’s car thinking it to be mine and then returning it to the owner after realising about the accidental theft and so now I may as well call it a tradition.
Those were the Maruti car years…only a few sets of keys were designed for all the manufactured Maruti …so the probability of opening other cars was pretty high…purely because of those few keylock arrangements by the car manufacturers resulted in this faux pas on my part.)
Written by: Preeti Kandpal Pathak
Author’s bio:
Being an army officer’s wife, Preeti Pathak has got the best of travelling experiences and has seen the myriad beautiful cultures of the country. She has done MA B.Ed. plus several years of teaching experience in various schools. She loves music, reading, composing poems, and short stories.
