The Power Struggle

We sometimes hear parents say that “They are unable to control their child” and that they are frustrated with their child’s behavior and that their child doesn’t listen to their orders and commands.power

But tell me what we are and who are our children? Are kids meant to be imposed upon? Are they to be commanded upon? Is it really a power struggle for parents?

Like us adults, kids too don’t like when they are imposed with too many rules, demands, orders and guidelines.  From the time they are born, some parents already decide what they kids have to do when they grow up and how are they suppose to live their life while growing up.

screaming

But remember, any relation, which has restrictions and power struggle, can never be an enjoyable be it parent and a child, boss and an employee, husband and wife. No one likes control and domination.

With your child, it should not be about power struggle but more about emotional connect. Spending more time with the child, understanding their emotional and mental needs, what are their abilities and desires is what makes you a good parent. Setting unrealistic expectations for your child only makes your child feel like a failure.

If your child gets 70%, instead of being happy for your child, you say, you should have got 85%, all you are doing is killing the joy of your child. You may think you are motivating your child to do better for the next time, but in reality you are demoralizing and not inspiring your child.

However, it doesn’t mean that you don’t succumb to your kids completely. Your kids can’t damage things at home, throw a fit around and be the boss of the house.

As a parent you need to set standards, guidelines and duties as per age for them to follow.

As a parent, you should listen to your child’s issues. Allow them to express their frustrations by lending them an ear.

Speak to them daily and allow them to express their sadness, anger, emotions and disappointments. Parenting is not about setting expectations but to genuinely seeing your child grow in their own special way.

As a parent you are the matured one and are expected to show more patience while you hear your child out, thoughtfulness while you guide your child, self control when you feel anger towards your child and be more understanding and calm when conflicts arise.

We as parents start believing that the entire control of our kid’s life is in our hands and they have to live as per our experiences. But not all experiences can have the same result.

What you may have experienced may be completely different for your child. Times have changed and the environment in which our kids are being raised has changed.

So next time, remember, instead of saying “I am the adult so you should listen to me” think and say “I am the adult so I should listen and understand my child first”.


-By Hansa Kajaria
hansa.sampat@gmail.com

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