Carrying my 8-month-old, I was out for a casual stroll when I met a bunch of familiar middle-aged women. Immediately, the question about my baby’s age popped out. “Oh, she must be crawling now”, said one, while the other said, “she must have started teething by now”.
“Nothing as of now,” I said. Suggestions started pouring in about what and what not I should feed her, the tone of their opinions, visibly judging me as a careless mother.
Even though I was already giving a wholesome diet to my baby, I pretended to take a note of their suggestions and ended the conversation.
Every time I venture out, I have people asking me about rejoining the office. “Not so soon”, is my reply, which surprises them as if they are sponsoring my extended maternity leave. Being an IT professional, I am expected to join the corporate world immediately, thrusting a 6-month old into daycare. A break in a successful career signifies delay in climbing the corporate ladder. Not that I resent those who make such decisions, but for me spending time with my baby, watching her grow and do all her chores is a pure joy which no amount of promotions or hikes can match with. It is ‘my choice’.
It astonishes me as to how quick we are to judge someone when they don’t follow a certain society-laid time frame. There is a time frame within which you are expected to get a job, get married or have children. Anyone who doesn’t fit in this mould is looked down upon. If a girl decides to be independent, have a career, tour the world before getting married, she is judged. If you are married, you are judged if you don’t have children within a time frame. If you have children and still continue with a full-time job, you are judged again. Many abusive marriages are dragged just for the fear of society. The hampering of self-confidence and the emotional burden it causes to the individual is neglected.
Why can’t we as a society, respect an individual’s opinion on what they choose to do with their own life rather than speculating things?
Children learn from the happenings in their atmosphere. They should be taught about empathy and their innocence should be nurtured. What’s the hurry of little scientists, little chefs and little engineers? The percentage-based rat race combined with peer pressure seldom gives space to students to think about what their real passion is.
Liberty to choose one’s clothes, career, life partner, age of getting married or having children should not be a taboo. Society will judge you anyway. But you need to differentiate between what really matters to you, makes you happy and follow your heart rather than getting pressurized by norms. Success shouldn’t be overwhelming, nor failures disheartening. Those who don’t learn this, eventually succumb to the pressure
Author’s bio
An Electronics Engineeer by profession having decade of work experience in IT field. Visiting faculty in Colleges in Mumbai. Enthusiast about writing, travelling, reading and trying out new receipes. Above all, a mother to a always-on-the-go toddler who inspires me with her infectious energy.
-by Ritu Parelkar
