It was 2016. We were returning home after attending a birthday party. While entering the building, I met my husband’s distant relative. She was surprised to see me and asked what was I doing there. “We shifted here last month, aunty,” I said. She replied, “Oh, I will come to meet your mother-in-law. I met her just the other day in the market, she didn’t tell me that you all have shifted here.” I smiled and corrected her, “No aunty, just the three of us have moved here. My husband, my son and I have been staying here.” She snarled. I could feel it. Without even an iota of reluctance, she said, “You left your in-laws there? What is the matter?” I smiled and ended the conversation, “Nothing aunty. We wanted to stay on our own.”
Our society has seldom acknowledged moving out of parent’s home, and unfortunately, time and again, looked down upon it. For a woman, it’s never a hiccup; ironically, it’s her duty to leave her parent’s home and move in with her husband. However, how many times have you heard a husband leave his parent’s home? Such situations occur only when the husband relocates for work. Usually, that’s the only time I have seen such nuclear families.
A family that moves out is mostly frowned upon. There is a common misconception that the daughter-in-law brainwashes the husband into moving out. A wedding is still a family affair, and society still expects family involvement in every decision that a couple has to take. So how can move out of parent’s home be welcomed? We were no exception. In the initial days, I heard hilarious stories about us. But we were strong and sailed through it together. If you ever face such a situation, remember, you do not owe an explanation to anyone except the ones who really care about you.
Moving out is a beautiful process toward independence and self-realization. It teaches you immense patience and propels you towards self-confidence. It also makes you aware of numerous small privileges that you often take for granted when you stay in a joint family. Paying your bills, buying supplies, attending society meetings, are a few things that you don’t realize until you do them on your own. However, it is a beautiful feeling when you decorate and arrange your own home, prepare budgets for yourself, and create lovely memories with your own special people. I have revelled in the greatest freedom by cooking whatever I wanted, wearing the most comfortable clothes, while not being questioned by anyone. Having said that, moving out is a big decision and you have to be financially and emotionally prepared before you take the plunge.
We now stay away, yet quite close to my in-laws and my mom’s house. This has been one of my best decisions until date and I have no regrets. Childcare is an important aspect that needs to be carefully thought out before you take this step. We both work, but we had access to a good daycare that smoothened out the process. Also, my mom was more than willing to take care of my son so we eventually ended up dropping my son there, and picking him up every day after work.
Happiness is quite elusive. The best lives make headlines on social media, and the grass always appears greener on the other side. It’s normal to feel helpless in such situations. However, nuclear or joint family, there are innumerable reasons to be grateful for your current situation. It just takes a while to find your calling, but once you do there is no looking back.
Gouraja Parelkar
gouraja7@gmail.com
