Puniitta is on a mission to empower 1 million people going through divorce & separation to restart their lives courageously and reclaim their happiness. She works on releasing the repressed emotions & limiting beliefs using NLP, a scientific technique.
As a divorce recovery coach, Puniitta provides all the information, prepares the client to tread this divorce path, emotionally resilient and mentally strong. She also provides all the resources needed to accomplish this journey courageously.
She aspires to become the strength and support she did not receive when she was going through her difficult times.
WS: How do we nurture our relationships? Especially when we are confused about how we nurture ourselves and the relationships around us.
Puniitta: To maintain the sanctity of our relationship with others and a relationship with ourselves, our mental health we need to learn the ART of FINE BALANCE between the two. At times we lose our boundaries and that’s when we do not even do justice to the relationships around us.
Perspective 1: Giving an example here: While travelling on a flight, we are told “First wear your mask and then try to help others” The logic implies that if we are not alive and healthy we may not be able to help any of our loved ones. The same logic applies to our everyday living and relationships as well.
If the woman of the house falls ill, imagine how troubled the kids and whole family become when she is bedridden. If the man of the house takes to the bed for a few days, we know how difficult it becomes for the whole family to pull through. Each one has a role to play and to play our roles well, to take care of our loved ones…we need to take care of ourselves first. Contrary to the popular thinking, Isn’t it?
Perspective 2: It is usually the GIVER in the relationship (it can be a man or a woman) who ends up taking care of others, sacrificing themselves, and their needs for others. At the end of the day, they feel there is no one to take care of themselves. This is where WE, the Givers, need to step up and take care of ourselves with equal importance or more. If we want to continue to give, we need to learn to take for ourselves first. Isn’t it?
Perspective 3: By taking care of ourselves, by speaking up for ourselves, by voicing our thoughts and opinions we tell others what is important for us. This is how we teach others how to respect us, and how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.
Now let me ask…How do you treat yourself? Reflect.
Perspective 4: To be able to tell, and share what we are feeling, we need courage at times. Not everyone, every time can speak up for themselves. Courage is a skill that can be learnt, exactly like communication which is a skill to be learnt.
Communication is so critically important to maintain relationships. Yet, we see couples giving each other silent treatment, cold wars running in families for months together. Whom does it benefit?
Working on our communication and courage is simple. Like we have a mental muscle, and a physical muscle, similarly, we also have an intuition muscle and a courage muscle that we can work on and make stronger each time by practising it.
Are you aware of it?
WS: How do we set healthy boundaries despite being in a traumatic marriage?
Puniitta: Let’s talk about the core reason for being unable to set healthy boundaries and not just the external symptom (which is relationship stress). The core reason is we are unable to handle our emotions. All we have done throughout our lives is suppress these emotions. Our emotions are our best guides in situations where we find it difficult to logically decide on things.
Perspective 5: The first step to drawing boundaries is learning to say NO. If it’s something making you uncomfortable, go ahead and voice your thoughts. Our emotions and feelings do not lie to us, connect with it. Take the courage to speak up, however faintly you begin to speak. Say it louder next time and even louder next time. Feel the surge of courage inside you as you repeat your self-expression each time.
But how do we connect with our inner world to deal with our expressions? Most of us do not know how to do that.
Perspective 6: We live our lives in 4 dimensions: Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual. (PMES)
Our Physical world we see ourselves living in, is a PRINT-OUT of our inner world which comprises of other 3 dimensions… Spiritual, mental, and emotional.
India is the spiritual capital of the world, so we all are somewhere aligned Spiritually. This spirituality indeed is the core of Modern Meerabai’s philosophy as well.
We have also seen people who are Mentally so strong that they can cut through huge amounts of work, and huge weights just by their mental determination
But on the Emotional front, these same people end up being emotional goofballs. Nobody has ever taught us how to deal with this devil. We feel sorry for expressing our emotions. We even avoid and suppress them.
The truth is: The real growth of a person lies in areas which s/he is most avoiding. The most ignored dimension of the 4 realms is Emotional Resilience. That is what we learn here with Modern Meerabai
Perspective 7: All the emotions God has given us are all equal. Like the days of the week are all equal. We people give importance to some days and therefore feel them to be bigger than others. But in reality, all days are the same. Similarly, all emotions are the same. It’s we the people who have labelled some emotions as superior to others.
Perspective 8: Like the kids who cry for their parents’ attention and calm down are joyful when they get that attention, similarly, our emotions crave our attention and when we sit with our emotions, give them that attention, feel it fully, without judging them, labelling them as good or bad… that when the true magic happens. That’s when the emotion tells you why was it here. That’s when we get our direction and message from what the emotion guided us to do.
Are you willing to give it a try, this time you’re emotional, without judging it.
Perspective 9: Journal your emotions using a pen and paper, the traditional method ( no typing) Scientific studies have proven that the neural connections at the tips of our fingers and palms get activated with the touch of paper, hold of a pen, movement of the fingers and triggers enabling emotions in the brain that makes us feel better when we write.
For a lot of us, we last wrote on paper so long, when we were kids. This act itself recalls our childhood days when we were much joyous, happier and carefree. Let’s give it a try.
WS: Society ends up giving us a tag of being divorced, or separated. This makes it very difficult for a person already going through pain to handle and survive this despise. How should we tackle this?
Puniitta: The acceptance of divorce as a concept is different in various sects of society. In metros, we have seen it as a more acceptable way of being than in smaller towns. Coming from the small city of Lucknow myself, I know people do end up putting a stamp, a label of being divorced. This becomes so painful for the person going through this phase.
Last four years the work I have been doing is in the same field. I have been vocal about “normalizing divorces in society” People have to understand that a divorce is just a redirection for us and not the end of our life.
Perspective 10: Look at the big picture here. Like two business partners choose to part ways when they are unable to work together, similarly two life partners can choose to part ways when their relationship is not working out together. Instead of living in a cage their whole life, we should save two lives and allow them to live freely by parting ways. This builds hope for a better life ahead.
Talking with experience, when a person going through a divorce reaches out to their inner circle, their family & friends for guidance and support, all they end up getting often is shame, guilt, and negative talk. They are accused of thinking only of themselves and forced to be in a relationship that is hurting them.
Friends start avoiding, office colleagues start ghosting and relatives behave the way we know best they do. The person who is already feeling low ends up feeling all the more lonely. At times they end up doing things their parents repent later. Then the parents only wished they had given some time and attention to their child who needed their support.
Perspective 11: Our environment is always stronger than our willpower. We can go to a high-energy zone, a spiritual retreat, or a vacation for a few days thinking that now I have the motivation and willpower to deal with the situation. But the truth is, our environment slowly takes over our willpower. We end up becoming the same slave of the culture around us and the old mindset that did not let us grow and be in peace.
Therefore choose your environment carefully. Change your environment if it is not empowering you. Choose your friends carefully, and choose your social circle that uplifts you. Connect with your inner voice, it will tell you who are the people who care for you. Seek help and you shall find it.
WS: Tell me more about your Divorce Recovery Services and the digital course around it.
Puniitta: Divorce Recovery Services are very new to the Indian market and very few people have information that these services are available today.
Through Womenshine we are making people aware of this novel social impact service.
There are 3 stages in a divorce and we cater to all: Pre Divorce, During Divorce, and Post Divorce. Each of the 3 stages has a different set of emotions a person goes through.
Pre-Divorce is mostly about the lack of clarity, and uncertainty about how to move forward.
During-Divorce we have a lot of anger, guilt, shame, regret, jealousy, rebellion, and frustration.
Post-divorce is a lot of residual resentment and rejection. There is a desire to come back into the dating scene again, being ready for judgment and rejection again.
The 3-hour digital course on Divorce Recovery covers a lot of aspects related to Divorce – legal, finance, real estate, wealth, parenting, emotional & mental health, and much more, everything a person should know to tread on this path
Benefits of taking this course:
1. We get complete privacy of watching the course, for people who are yet not ready to disclose anyone about their life situation
2. The course mentally prepares us for what is about to come our way and thus we can deal with our situations better.
3. We can choose to watch the course at a time that suits us most, as it is a self-paced learning program. Each video is for easy consumption, they are small 10 min power-packed capsules
4. It is economical in our pocket as it is a digital course. Live sessions and personal coaching are premium services.
This divorce course prepares you for your journey. IF you feel you need personalized coaching, I would be happy to handhold and guide you on this path. As a mentor, I offer all the knowledge that is needed on this path, along with emotional resilience, mental strength and support. I work closely with divorce lawyers and financial planners across the country to offer you our services as a team that works for your empowerment. In some cases we also involve a parenting coach where a teenage child is involved in the case. I work with 49 lawyers across the country and the list is only growing.
As we wrap up this article, I want to invite you to think again about your relationship with yourself. The day you improve this most important relationship in your life, stop ignoring it and instead prioritize it… that day a new you will be born. A new you that values mental health, peace, joy and bliss in life. That new you is depending upon this current you, and asking you to look into yourself, become more emotionally resilient and grow your mindset to become the champion you are meant to become.
One life is all we have, to create memories and not regrets.
Much love:
Puniitta Lakhhani aka Modern Meerabai
India’s first Divorce Recovery Coach.
You can reach out to her on below links:
Websitehttps://www.modernmeerabai.com/letshealtogether
Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/modernmeerabai
Linkedin profile
https://www.linkedin.com/in/punitalakhani/
Instagram profile
https://www.instagram.com/modernmeerabai/
facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/ModernMeerabai
