As human beings, we all have to face unpleasant situations at some point in our life. Sometimes, we can handle these situations very well and at other times, the situation bogs us down and makes us feel helpless. While there are people who break the barriers and live up to a higher purpose in their life, some just give up and feel defeated.

Being a human behavioural coach and having worked with hundreds of people, I have found three crucial but common behaviours that make or breaks people.

The Power of Thought

Thoughts become things. As you sow, so you reap. The power of thoughts is the most important and the foundation of all success. An average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thousands of thoughts, 80% are negative and 95% are the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. We are usually going through the day on autopilot mode. We are conditioned by external influences to repeat the same things and so we get into a comfort zone. Some narratives get stored in our heads which either set us up for success or break us down.

What did you hear when you were growing up? From your parents, teachers, friends? Did they appreciate you for your singing, math, painting, cheerfulness, communication? Or did they shame you for being overweight, for skin colour, for being less intelligent? Did they teach you to express yourself fearlessly and explore things courageously? Or did they bind you in superstitions, mindless rituals and condition you to be tied down? Did they tell you that money does not grow on trees? That you are middle class and you can’t dream of riches? Or did you tell to reach for the stars?

You attach a feeling or an emotion to each of these thoughts. And once you do that, it starts showing up in your daily behaviour. For example, you are told that snakes are poisonous. You attach the emotion of fear to the visual of a snake and the moment you see a snake, you run away (behaviour) from there.

So, the first thing is to become aware of is the thoughts in your head. Don’t let them defeat you. Think positive!

The Power of Association

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”– Jim Rohn.

Who are you spending most of your time with? Are the people around you inspiring you for greater good and success? Or are they pulling you down? Who you spend your time with and how you interact with them is the next important behaviour. Are the people around you complaining, gossiping or being negative all the time? Are you spending your time learning from the best in your field, reading the best books, working with coaches that help you attain your higher purpose and bring out the best version of yourself? Who you associate with determines whether you break barriers around you or get entrapped in them.

When a raindrop falls from the sky, it is so pure that if you catch it in your palm, you can drink it. If it falls on a leaf, it becomes a dewdrop. If it falls on a hot surface, it evaporates. If it falls in a gutter, it becomes filthy and if it falls in an oyster, it becomes a pearl. So who are the 5 people you associate with most frequently?

The Power of Now

Most people constantly regret what they did in the past or worry about the future. 97% of our worries are baseless and result from an unfounded pessimistic perception. Worrying depletes us of our energy, leaves us tired, angry and frustrated with ourselves. When we are in this negative state, we tend to lash out at others and heap our anger and frustration on others. This then leads to a breakdown of relationships with those you love, further making life unpleasant for us.

In today’s VUCA world, people are hustling, multitasking all the time. Answering emails, taking phone calls, replying to WhatsApp messages and trying to finish a quick working lunch while trying to get children to do their online classes, finish domestic chores and so much more. We need to slow down and take time to smell the roses. Enjoy your meal, savour the taste of it, feel the texture of the food on your tongue, enjoy a heartful conversation with family, look at the rising sun, hear the birds chirping, do one thing at a time and be fully mindful and aware of the situation around you.

Yesterday is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift and that’s why it is called the present. Be in the present. Experience the ‘now’. This is the only time you truly can enjoy and make a difference to.