When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly. ~Patrick Overton~
Never in my wildest of dreams did I ever imagine myself staying at home and sitting babies, waking up to baby cries, cleaning poop, waiting patiently for burps, feeding a hungry machine or dozing off trying to put a baby to sleep? I didn’t like babies, especially the noisy and cranky ones.
Just a year before this happened, I was a full-time working lady who was part of a choir, a band and several events happening around Kuwait. I had even punched my friend who read my palm and told me that I would soon leave my job and stay at home. I was annoyed that he thought I would do such a thing. According to me, staying at home was not an option for me. Working and earning money was a way of life.
How could I be dependent on a guy for money?
I’ve been working since I was 19. Why should I stop now? I gave my friend another punch. How dare he force his mentality on me!
But it all began when my husband wanted to leave Kuwait (the place I was born, bred, educated and married). He wanted to shift back to India, our home country that I knew nothing about. I dreaded coming to live here without a job, immediate family or friends around. He left in February and after a lot of contemplation, fights and arguments,
I finally landed in Bangalore, India on August 1st, 2011. I was half excited but mostly scared.
We toasted to a new beginning with 5 shots of Vodka. This was when I decided to take a 3-month-only break from work (as I had worked for 10 years already). Little did I know that I was going to stretch that break quite a bit.
I must say that I began enjoying myself not having to wake up for work. I joined a dance class, attended weddings out of Bangalore, visited friends, entertained friends, played lots of badminton, etc. I was having an amazing time. Until we heard that my first baby, my doggy named Cookie, passed away on 20th September back in Kuwait. I was in so much pain, that every time my husband would find me quietly crying.
Even through the 3-month break, I kept looking for jobs. By December, we found out that I was already 3 months pregnant. I decided that I didn’t want to faint at a new workplace like all those actresses would while they were pregnant. Yes, I would watch a lot of saas-bahu series on STAR, ZEE, SONY, etc. So, I postponed going back to work after my baby was born. I was still upset about my doggy’s passing. But when we finally visited our gynaecologist, she told us something that changed my mood forever.
She said that we conceived around 20th September. Superstitious or not, this news brought a smile to my face because until then I was mourning my doggy’s loss. Now, suddenly, with the belief that her soul was coming back to me, I was overjoyed. I stopped mourning her loss and began waiting for her arrival. I must say that God works in mysterious ways!
Miles away, my mom was elated but feared the worst. I had never lived alone. And here I was all alone at home while I was pregnant. She called me regularly as the husband had long working hours and was rarely home except on weekends. Nevertheless, her baby managed to take care of herself well.
I had a caesarean section and vowed never to have more babies. That experience is for another blog.
Then one day, I visited an orphanage to donate items they required. The same one we had visited before I delivered. But now, as a mother, when I heard the kids asking us when their parents would return to pick them up, I had tears in my eyes. All through the journey back home, I kept thinking. God had given me a daughter. I didn’t ask for it but maybe he knew I needed a daughter in my life. Though she was currently a tiny lump of flesh that just ate, drank and pooped, I could see that her whole being would search for me whenever I was away. I could feel her need for my presence every single day.
I thought about this for a few weeks. Half the time I felt that my life was over. Now it was hers to live. There were times when I felt that maybe I should stay home for her. There were also times when I felt that I had to look for a job. During these waves of emotions, I began enjoying her little milestones. It was overwhelming when she looked at me and smiled.
Soon, I knew that I didn’t want another person taking care of her (like we initially thought because this was all unplanned). Suddenly, I remembered that for so many years, my single mother had taken care of us, our lessons fed us, took care of the house, etc. without a nanny, cook or maid. Then why couldn’t I take care of my daughter while I had a husband, house help and cook?
When I told my husband that I had decided to stay home, if he could manage the finances, he stared at me. He suddenly wasn’t sure who I was. He asked me if I was sure (like a hundred times). He asked me if I was sure I didn’t need a nanny. I gave him my mother’s example and said if she could do all that without any help, I was sure I would be able to take care of a baby with help. He wondered why I took this decision despite being quite social and outgoing. He was also afraid I would churn his brain like dough if I stayed at home (like many housewives he has seen did). Though sceptical, he assured me that he would handle the house while I handled the home.
However, we did have plan B just in case we couldn’t manage this adventurous decision. But, I’m happy that we didn’t need to implement it even after 11 years, 2 kids and a bigger home.
My friends would sometimes hesitatingly ask me if the husband forced his manly decisions on me. I would laugh and tell them that the decision was completely mine. They wondered how a crazy, social party animal, who was out of the house almost 15 hours a day, would suddenly stay at home 24/7. It was a drastic change in my lifestyle but then I guess motherhood makes you do things that you have never done before.
Now I call myself an ‘independent’ stay-at-home mom because I handle the house, manage the kids, drive them to places, run outdoor errands, pay the bills and also travel alone with the little ones locally, nationally and internationally! I’m not ‘financially independent’ but independent in every other sense. And I’m happy this way!
Do you also have an adventurous journey you want to tell us about?
Written By : Shared by: Cindy D’Silva
https://www.blogaberry.com/
