Setting boundaries, and saying NO can be challenging for most people, irrespective of their gender. However, the guilt, fear, and shame of saying NO is very common for women. Women are taught from childhood to be quiet, polite, giving, caring, nurturing and the list goes on. The whole idea of not wanting to hurt people’s feelings and keep everyone else’s needs before ours is what prevents women from setting healthy boundaries. Women often find it difficult to set boundaries, because of this need to please everyone. Women feel guilty for saying NO as they may be perceived as rude and selfish. There is also the fear of rejection which makes women want to agree to things that feel not so good or uncomfortable.
Emotional boundaries are as equally important as the physical boundaries we have around our homes. Imagine, not having any walls or boundaries, you will have strangers entering your house. Take a pause and think, will you be ok with having your neighbour enter your premises and use your space? No, right? Similarly, when you do not have boundaries around people, you will have people invading your emotional and mental space.
What does it mean to have boundaries around people?
It is simple, saying NO when you want to. Saying NO will create more space for saying yes to people you want to. One of the smallest yet impactful forms of self-care is setting healthy boundaries and knowing when to say no. When one is not able to assert their needs and wants, that is when one’s personal space, emotional and mental space is invaded.
How to set those boundaries and not come out as being rude or selfish? As cliché as it may sound, just a simple and firm NO is a complete sentence. By saying no now, you are saving yourself from a lot of resentment that you might feel later. It can be very difficult and intimidating in the beginning, but taking small steps can make it manageable.
Navigating your needs and wants, and understanding how much are you willing to give, can help you draw that line. Take a pause, and reflect on what brings you joy and what feels like a major task that you wish you did not have to do. This will help you say no at the right time.
One can set healthy boundaries and have positive meaningful relationships. Assessing how you can compromise where it is a win-win situation for both, can help you have your and the other person’s needs met.
Remember, choosing yourself is not selfish, it is self-respect and self-love. When you take a step back, evaluate the situation and use the word NO, that simple word is giving you the space to create the life you want and wish to live.
Shared by: Rashi Goyal,
Founder & CEO, The Empty Chair Counseling Center
