Being brought up by a Single Woman

A carefree child always comes from a so-called contended background.

From a family which has optimal supportive parents and emotionally contended two people who take care of the child by fulfilling all the needs and coddles with care.

Does this overwhelming definition of how a healthy family takes care of a child apply to single mothers?

In this gen-z modern world, we often come across a term called parental trauma.

Witnessing parents quarrel or divorce, having a parent with a mental illness or substance abuse problem, or being sexually, physically, or emotionally abused are all examples of adverse childhood experiences. These emotional abuses always don’t come from a bad parent, it can be the parent who requires counselling sometimes, yet, the child or the kid tends to suffer more from it which stresses out the entire family.

I have seen people in their early twenties moving out of their houses because of emotionally being drained from their parents, reaching out for help to find solutions for their mental health issues. Although, people with parental issues coming out when they have a single parent is comparatively low.

Being brought up by a woman who has entirely sacrificed her life raising her two female kids, I would say the world sees the child of a single mom unalike a child who comes from a so-called healthy family.

Being a woman adds it up.

Here comes the title, Being brought up by a single woman!

I frequently give a Ted Talk about my life and the hardships I’ve endured to my friends. I proudly mention that I was raised by my single mom who is brave, lovely, compassionate, and imbalanced. Yes, I said imbalanced. The fragile side that she holds, probably 90 percent of her which took me 20 damn years to find literally one percent of it.

We all know how particular a mother-daughter relationship is, unlike men, women conflate better with their mothers as companions, friends for life.

Like other children, a child who has been brought up by a single mother also faces parental issues. Unlike them, the percentage of these children reaching out for help is enormously low and that is where the delicate reasons come up. These children are often expected by society to understand the hardships of their mother and if she/he reaches out for help, the responses do not seem to be the same. It forces the children to understand and collaborate with their single parent at a very young age, unlike other children, which makes them more delicate and teaches them to deal with disappointments and turbulent emotions. This results in the child being excessively pragmatic and concerned towards the parent which in turn makes them feel that it’s their

role to nurture their parent after a specific age, which often leads to bottling up of their emotions. Making us understand untold sorrows and stories.

So, do I feel bottled up? Yes, I do at times.

Does this make me a tough woman? Exceedingly yes!

I’ve often come across articles related to children raised by single mothers. But as a woman who was raised by a single mother right here, I would say I learned a lot from my mom that has made me feel both weak and strong.

It is okay to reach out for help in case you face parental trauma and this doesn’t mean you are unthankful for your parent’s hardship, it simply means you are aware, responsible, and being seen for your hardships.

Does this make me any less of a pleasing woman who comes from a contented family?

Yes, not less but it makes us better. We withstand, listen, speak for ourself and accommodate others.

I do feel unsafe at times, and I do feel miserable a lot of the time, but will that ever stop me from assimilating with the women forum around me?

Never.

-Vinitha Shairly