Pretty sure, mothers of young adults like mine would do anything to go back to those wonder years of their lives when their young adults were not so adult. I mean, when they were little under 13-14. When managing them was slightly simpler. I hereby stress on the term – “slightly” because parenting at any stage is not simple. It cannot be simple. It is as simple as that!
When our chotus listened to us. Or we could make sure that they listened to us because they had not touched their golden 18 when tables turn and parents come to the receiving end. When we could tell them politely. When we could tell them not so politely. When we could twist their ears and then tell them politely. And if we got lucky, we could even smack them on their bumchees for not listening to us politely. Although, honestly I have never had the luck to smack my son on his bumchees ever. Never had the heart to do so. Kiya hota to aaj mere bhi ache din aatey!
In fact, I know a lot of Indian parents living abroad, who get their spoilt brats (courtesy- of the rules and regulations of the western countries) to India for their summer holidays just so that they can full fill their long forbidden desires. The privilege that is denied to them in those countries. Wahan saare sukh hain bus ek yeh sukh nahi hai! “Chal tu India, tera bharta banati hoon. Phir tujhe hee khilaaongi!”
Anyways, the point I am trying to make here is that, that controlling son was definitely simpler back then. We could control, rather than budget everything. His screen time. His good eating habits Versus his wrong eating habits. His clothes made sense versus his absolutely nonsense clothes. His expenditures. His demands, “tujhe pata hai na ki hum service class log hain!” Even his company, “Dekho bête! A man is known by the company he keeps and we don’t think that boy is good for you! Humein experience hai! We understand people more than you bête!”
Most importantly, we could budget his going out time with his friends. “Saat (7) baje hain! Nau (9) baje tak wapas aa jana har haal mein! Kyunki dus (10) baje humein sona hota hai!”
“Dus baje kaun sota hai!” The chota rebel in him would wonder.
But for the past 4/5 years, it has been a different story altogether! We now can only budget our expectations, our anxieties, our fears, our hopelessness, our good night’s sleep, and most importantly, our anger.
When I use the term “budget” I basically mean that once our children are 18, we need to put a budget for all that I have written earlier in this passage. For example, we should not think of having a good night’s sleep of more than 4-5 hours because we won’t get it. We should not have many expectations because they will never be fulfilled. We should not be too scared because our fears won’t lead us anywhere. We can at the most gnash in anger, bottle up all our emotions, and then, one not-so-fine day, BLAAAST!! Blast at our children whose expressions would say it all, “ki hum hee gadhe hain!!”
Only to get up the next morning feeling guilty, “uth ja raja beta! Tere favorite sandwiches banaye hain!” Ufff yeh Mamta! This “raja beta” theory is honestly the root cause of all the problems which actually are our problems because our problems is not their problem anymore – period.
“Kahan hai Tu!” I call up son and ask.
“I told you. I’ll be going to galleria with my friends!” Son answers.
“Ok! When would you be back? It’s 8 pm already!” I ask.
“By 10!” Came the crisp answer.
“Ok” I disconnect the call.
It is 11 pm and he is not home as yet. So I call again.
“Hello! Arey Kahan hai tu?” I am Angry
“Aa raha hoon thodi der mein! Golf course road par hoon!” He is cool.
“Golf course road!! How did you reach there! Weren’t you at galleria!” I yell.
“Haan to!” He says.
“Haan to meaning? How did you reach golf course road?” I ask.
“Gaadi se!” He answers.
“Dude! Don’t try to be smart! You know what I mean! You said you are going to galleria with friends and would be back by 10. It is 11 now aur tu golf course road pahuncha hua hai!” I say.
“Haan to woh purana status tha. Yeh naya hai. Status has changed in one hour.” He says coolly.
“Tu ghar aa jaldi before my status changes!” I say.
“How would that be mom?” He laughs and asks.
“If you do not reach in 15 minutes, phir mera status Maa se Durga Maa ho jayega. Samajh le tu!”
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